Xavier was no longer treated as part of the family, not as a son, not even a slave. He felt lower than a dog. Since his father’s death, his life took a turn for the worst. Mother had finally shown her inner demons. With the help of alcohol, his mother turned into one of them, and never failed to brutalize Xavier whenever she saw him. What could Xavier do? He was so weak that he did not even have any energy to run away, lest fight back. She had all the authority she wanted at home, overpowering Xavier like a one-ton truck. All he could do was obey her every whim, hoping not to aggravate her. How he wished that one day, a man clad in bright red trunks with broad muscular shoulders which would make any bodybuilder proud, would come and save him from his despair.
His heart cried out loud for help, this immensely powerful voice that only he could hear. Children his age would usually be bathed in the love of caring parents, but the only things he received were a flurry of blows to his body.
“What happened to the good times?” he thought, always questioning why his mother always beat him up. Before Dad’s death, Mother was a woman who glowed with love for her children. It was a thrill every time they went on an outing together. Mother was the mastermind behind the exciting adventure, planning with specific detail of the activities.
He missed the time where they watched the sunset together. The sky, painted with streaks of blue and orange, with the fireball-like sun setting behind the tall tress. The glorious Sun dimmed his light to let the shy Lady Moon step out to take his place. His golden robe faded into the distance to make way for her glowing gown. That was the last he saw of such light, the warm glow this great ball of fire radiated. His ray of hope disappeared like the sunlight; overwhelmed by the blanket of darkness that covered the area. He hated the sun now, for he knew that as long as the demons had control over mum, he could never play in its warm presence.
He always visualized himself as a normal child, able to laugh and play with children in the neighbourhood, bursting out in chirps at even the smallest thing. Such was the beautiful experiences every child should have, the immature laughter, the way everything seemed so simple. All that seemed like a fantasy to him, it was all wishful thinking. Mother always brought him back to reality with an excruciating pounding. He could take no more of the meaningless badgering.
Deep inside, he wanted to grab a knife and plunge it into the depths of her heart, obliterating her from existence, before ending his own life. He knew plainly killing her would be giving her the easy way out. He wanted her to experience the hell he was in now, making her taste the very core of his vengeance. However, there was still that ounce of hesitation and hope. He always prayed that Mother would return to the woman she was before Dad’s death. That was the only thing that stopped him from even lifting up the knife. He hated his guts. Every night, he would pray for strength to overcome this fight for survival, and for the resurrection of his “good” mother. It never happened.
That was ten years ago. His schoolteachers finally saved Xavier. His teachers alerted the police who took Mother away after seeing many serious bruises all over his body. Mother never returned to the woman who was filled with love and compassion. She remained a deranged maniac, only that she had no outlet to vent her pent up rage on. Xavier was free.
“I’m so alive” he thought, as he stands facing the beauty of the never-ending Pacific Ocean. He stares in awe at the hypnotic power of the waves, the power that made him think back of his terrible past. A giant curl begins to take form, and then breaks with a thundering clap as it crashes on the shore. An invisible mist hits his face, moments before white foamy water drowns his feet. He was relieved to have escaped the chains of Mother’s wrath.
As he watched the sunrise, he felt rejuvenated. The warm rays of the morning sun caressed his chubby cheeks as the morning breeze tossed his raven-black hair. The splendid sunrise had him spellbound as he watched the rising of the majestic sun amidst the splashes of warm hues of red, orange and yellow. Such was the splendour and grandeur of the sunrise. He could feel warmth coming from inside his body, it was Hope. The light filters through the silhouettes of his dark past, opening his eyes to the promising future that lay ahead for him.
somehow i realise that all my compos all contain alot of emo stuff. i cant picture myself writing happy stuff, i shoudl try sometime (:
guess what? i still have so much more hw to do (:
Friday, March 14, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Metamorphosis!
okay, today wasnt exactly eventful in the morning due to the HEAVY RAIN which ruined all my plans, for basketball and for training. everywhere was wet. after that, i went home to bathe and set off for Metamorphosis. i couldnt make it in time to support daryl or weijie, so i just came for the performances. it was way high-er than service but it was a really enjoyable worship service. i felt.......spiritually "revived" and now i look forward to this saturday's service. somehow, going out on sat's aint so attractive now, i've found the joy in worshipping Christ (:
looking back, at Metamorphosis 06, that was so long ago. the year i backslided (actually early 07) i still remember my reason for backsliding, i think it's very stupid to do that. for all i know, i may be the one leading CG's right nw, doing my part for my church. seeing all the new believers today plus some new faces, i somehow get the feeling i can grow in Central D. the part where we prayed for the leaders really got me to thinking how would i want CD6 to grow. after today, i dont think i'll ever do what i did last yr. i'll pull myself through, somehow... everyone plays a part (:
1 Corinthians 12:12 - The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. XD
looking back, at Metamorphosis 06, that was so long ago. the year i backslided (actually early 07) i still remember my reason for backsliding, i think it's very stupid to do that. for all i know, i may be the one leading CG's right nw, doing my part for my church. seeing all the new believers today plus some new faces, i somehow get the feeling i can grow in Central D. the part where we prayed for the leaders really got me to thinking how would i want CD6 to grow. after today, i dont think i'll ever do what i did last yr. i'll pull myself through, somehow... everyone plays a part (:
1 Corinthians 12:12 - The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. XD
Monday, March 10, 2008
Dedicated to my cool friend (:
hey, stop feeling so bad about yourself, and stop feeling so sad. what you're facing now is just a phase and im sure it'll blow over just as quick. dont judge yourself so much. nobody's perfect, noone has the liberty to judge you, so why feel so frustrated? big or small, you're still you, my special friend, OUR special friend and i will do my best in helping you face this problem, your not gonna do this alone, we'll walk alongside you, alongside God. i'll pray for you, and im sure God will answer our prayers, for he's a generous giver!
SO CHEER UP! =D
It's only been 3 hrs am I'm sick of it....
holidays are boring when u keep studying, im really tired and not to mention hungry ... ):
HOT BABE!!
HOT BABE!!Sunday, March 9, 2008
One Desire
One Desire - Hillsong
oh man, i've lost my temper quite frequently this week. i seem to be losing my control quite easily. will somebody help me? at times when im alone, i try telling myself to calm down, but i end up boiling again. oh dammit i need to find an outlet to vent my "rage" (dont worry, i dont harm)
like in the video, i would really wanna see so many people get to know God, esp in Cat High, i hope through me, more people join (: , since im in yhope, i gotta do sth..
oh man, i've lost my temper quite frequently this week. i seem to be losing my control quite easily. will somebody help me? at times when im alone, i try telling myself to calm down, but i end up boiling again. oh dammit i need to find an outlet to vent my "rage" (dont worry, i dont harm)
like in the video, i would really wanna see so many people get to know God, esp in Cat High, i hope through me, more people join (: , since im in yhope, i gotta do sth..
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Tmr's the last day!
oh crap, one term has already flown by. and we've like 30 weeks left before o lvl comes? hurray, somehow RJC seems to be running faraway from me! i really need to study even harder (which is very difficult and ive got so much to do)
*reminder --- there're people worse off..
study friend!! when're we studying again??
*reminder --- there're people worse off..
study friend!! when're we studying again??
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
DREAMS.
haha, ive finally finished my "dreams" essay, its a good thing i practiced before my eng exam, i managed to use one of the practice paragraph i did in dreams (:
“Maybe it’s best you leave me alone, I do not think we should see each other anymore”
“Why not? Is there a third party? Did I do something wrong? I am willing to change, please do not leave me…I really love you”
“I love you too, it’s just…just…having a relationship right now is slowing me down from reaching my goal, my dream.” She said, retracting her soft and fair hands out of mine. She was already on the verge of tears, trying her best not to break down in front of me, showing off her emotional side. I knew that she has a lot of pride and never liked crying in front of anyone, but this choice she made is tearing her apart, either part of this dichotomy would hurt her dearly. I stood rooted to the ground dumbfounded, this breakup was too sudden, I could feel the loud shattering of my heart, and the helpless cry it let out. This was the first time anyone has ever hurt me so bad, emotionally. A huge sea of emotions engulfed me, forcing every bit of air out of my already fatigued body. Feelings of sorrow, regret, helplessness and shock covered me like a dark cloud, blocking out even the smallest ray of light, that ray of hope.
She left just like that, a few sentences and it was over, a relationship that has lasted for over 4 years, going through thick and thin, and yet, it took only a small ambition to mess it all up, to tear us apart. I did not realize the power of dreams till today, the way it could easy alter people’s mindset, the way it made one choose between love and goals. Due to her dream, her lifelong goal, I had to leave the very woman I loved with all my soul. Her dream took away my all, and made me doubt my reason of living.
Mother nature was not helping one bit. In an act of nonchalant “kindness”, she covered the entire sky with dark ominous clouds and sent a curtain of rain beating down from the heavens. Thunder pervaded the sky and released a cacophony of unpleasant noises, seemingly mocking at my plight. Somehow, losing my confidante also caused me to lose my sanity. I hollered at the sky, screaming at the top of my lungs till every bit of energy was drained out of me.
I felt useless, blaming my own inability to even remain with the woman of my dreams. I gave up my all for her only to be turned down in a harsh manner. With a heavy heart, I climbed to the top of the HDB flat nearby. At the corridor, I gazed at the desolate landscape in front of me. It was painted a dull grey, with the sky full of tumultuous, dark, ragged clouds. I closed my eyes, trying to even pick fragments of the beautiful memories we shared.
“Hey, check her out! She’s hot!” Justin smirked, with an ecstatic look on his face, urging me to take a look. I turned my head at the instant she stepped into the classroom. The boring atmosphere suddenly lit up as soon as she entered. It felt as if the entire room was suddenly bathed in a golden hue of zest and zeal. "Who is she?" I thought, staring intently at her. I was completely mesmerized by her beauty, the radiant smile of this fresh-faced youth. She looked like an angel, fair complexion, bright sparkling eyes that shone like diamonds and long flowy hair. She was perfect as she was blessed with unparalleled beauty. My heart raced as she slowly made her way to the empty seat beside me. "She, my tablemate? This is too good to be true!" my heart rejoiced, and I could not help thinking I was the luckiest boy in the world. Looks of jealously were etched on each and every boy's face as they looked at me, I grinned cheekily as I stood up to introduce myself to her. In just a matter of weeks, we were the best of friends and following that, lovers.
“Snap out of it! Stop daydreaming!” I told myself, letting out a weak smile. It was ironic, here I am, hating how dreams can thwart how people think and yet, reminiscing brought me that short moment of joy.
Dreams, a bane or a boon? Or is it an entity shrouded in controversy? Do dreams provide that sanctuary up in our heads, the place where whatever we wish for comes true, the place we seek solace, the haven in which sadness, death or hatred can never be found? I doubt that now. Having dreams would give one that sense of determination to strive for greater heights, but at what expense? Love? Friendship? Family? I see it now in a different light, as a catalyst that destroys relationships, nothing more. This event has perverted my perception of dreams, I understood.
I leaped off the building, watching my life flash before me. I felt my body going faint, as I got sucked down by gravity. Hitting the ground at such high velocity would certainly ensure I died upon impact, I chose the easy way out – a painless death. “Goodbye Sandy, I love you.”
Dreams, meet reality.
im sorry there'sno paragraphing, and good luck to bballers for finals tmr (:
“Maybe it’s best you leave me alone, I do not think we should see each other anymore”
“Why not? Is there a third party? Did I do something wrong? I am willing to change, please do not leave me…I really love you”
“I love you too, it’s just…just…having a relationship right now is slowing me down from reaching my goal, my dream.” She said, retracting her soft and fair hands out of mine. She was already on the verge of tears, trying her best not to break down in front of me, showing off her emotional side. I knew that she has a lot of pride and never liked crying in front of anyone, but this choice she made is tearing her apart, either part of this dichotomy would hurt her dearly. I stood rooted to the ground dumbfounded, this breakup was too sudden, I could feel the loud shattering of my heart, and the helpless cry it let out. This was the first time anyone has ever hurt me so bad, emotionally. A huge sea of emotions engulfed me, forcing every bit of air out of my already fatigued body. Feelings of sorrow, regret, helplessness and shock covered me like a dark cloud, blocking out even the smallest ray of light, that ray of hope.
She left just like that, a few sentences and it was over, a relationship that has lasted for over 4 years, going through thick and thin, and yet, it took only a small ambition to mess it all up, to tear us apart. I did not realize the power of dreams till today, the way it could easy alter people’s mindset, the way it made one choose between love and goals. Due to her dream, her lifelong goal, I had to leave the very woman I loved with all my soul. Her dream took away my all, and made me doubt my reason of living.
Mother nature was not helping one bit. In an act of nonchalant “kindness”, she covered the entire sky with dark ominous clouds and sent a curtain of rain beating down from the heavens. Thunder pervaded the sky and released a cacophony of unpleasant noises, seemingly mocking at my plight. Somehow, losing my confidante also caused me to lose my sanity. I hollered at the sky, screaming at the top of my lungs till every bit of energy was drained out of me.
I felt useless, blaming my own inability to even remain with the woman of my dreams. I gave up my all for her only to be turned down in a harsh manner. With a heavy heart, I climbed to the top of the HDB flat nearby. At the corridor, I gazed at the desolate landscape in front of me. It was painted a dull grey, with the sky full of tumultuous, dark, ragged clouds. I closed my eyes, trying to even pick fragments of the beautiful memories we shared.
“Hey, check her out! She’s hot!” Justin smirked, with an ecstatic look on his face, urging me to take a look. I turned my head at the instant she stepped into the classroom. The boring atmosphere suddenly lit up as soon as she entered. It felt as if the entire room was suddenly bathed in a golden hue of zest and zeal. "Who is she?" I thought, staring intently at her. I was completely mesmerized by her beauty, the radiant smile of this fresh-faced youth. She looked like an angel, fair complexion, bright sparkling eyes that shone like diamonds and long flowy hair. She was perfect as she was blessed with unparalleled beauty. My heart raced as she slowly made her way to the empty seat beside me. "She, my tablemate? This is too good to be true!" my heart rejoiced, and I could not help thinking I was the luckiest boy in the world. Looks of jealously were etched on each and every boy's face as they looked at me, I grinned cheekily as I stood up to introduce myself to her. In just a matter of weeks, we were the best of friends and following that, lovers.
“Snap out of it! Stop daydreaming!” I told myself, letting out a weak smile. It was ironic, here I am, hating how dreams can thwart how people think and yet, reminiscing brought me that short moment of joy.
Dreams, a bane or a boon? Or is it an entity shrouded in controversy? Do dreams provide that sanctuary up in our heads, the place where whatever we wish for comes true, the place we seek solace, the haven in which sadness, death or hatred can never be found? I doubt that now. Having dreams would give one that sense of determination to strive for greater heights, but at what expense? Love? Friendship? Family? I see it now in a different light, as a catalyst that destroys relationships, nothing more. This event has perverted my perception of dreams, I understood.
I leaped off the building, watching my life flash before me. I felt my body going faint, as I got sucked down by gravity. Hitting the ground at such high velocity would certainly ensure I died upon impact, I chose the easy way out – a painless death. “Goodbye Sandy, I love you.”
Dreams, meet reality.
im sorry there'sno paragraphing, and good luck to bballers for finals tmr (:
OVERJOYED.
losing my bio spa file made me look all around for what else ive lost. and the results were really incredible, ive lost almost everything ive got from sec3 (: , i feel so jubilant now, anyone wants to share my joy?
i guess sarcasm does work sometimes...
i guess sarcasm does work sometimes...
Monday, March 3, 2008
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Gg, i just lost my bio SPA file which is needed for O lvls, I FEEL SO SMART. and guess what, ive Bio SPA tmr, oh my gosh, would someone build me a coffin so i can die right now?
Sunday, March 2, 2008
SONGS!
crap, im getting seriously bored with my itunes library already. ive listened to these songs over and over and over and over and over again. someone please send me some songs ):
Leap Years.
ytd was a "rush" day, ran from one place to another without having time to stop, let alone eat ):
anw, went to watch the leap years with people from tp and the show was really nice except the part when the bride runs away, hahaha
and i still have one fat load of hw to do which means i cant blog so much, so goodbye
anw, went to watch the leap years with people from tp and the show was really nice except the part when the bride runs away, hahaha
and i still have one fat load of hw to do which means i cant blog so much, so goodbye
Friday, February 29, 2008
That the world will know.
When God Ran
this is a video of the song "when god ran" with clips from passion of the christ.
which is also in relation to The Parable of the Lost Son
Luke 15:11-24
11"Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons.
12"The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
13"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.
14"After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.
15"So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.
16"He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!
18"I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
19"I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.'
20"So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[b]'
22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.
23"Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.
24"For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.
ive never watched the movie before so this video was a first. watching it caused me to have mixed emotions. im confused as to how i should react. remorseful, regret, anger, reciprocity. so what should i do? i really wanna do my best and accomplsih cg08 and help in pioneering CHS though ive never been someone who could take rejection easily. going up and talking about christ is hard enough, but having people ridicule it is worse. not that im blaming anyone, but rather, my inability or persuasion, maybe because im not exactly a super devoted believer, maybe its because im the only person from Y-hope in CH. when i start talking about other stuff such as breaking news, people seem so interested, but for the word of God, they seem to have no inquisity at all.ive seen and expierienced miracles and hence i know He exists, but being able to prove that this is true is a difficult task. i was told to start small so i started with people around, be it track and field or 4-7. i received really negative feedback and i dont really know how to cope with it. ah, im confused......
father, give me strength, use me to spread your word. from that video, i realised what you've gone through, i saw the extent of your pain graphically and words cannot describe how i felt. i know that im the only one now and that it is gonne be hard, but following your vision, im positive that CH will grow in faith. speak to me and instruct me on what to do, be the guiding light of the lost and let them expierience your grace, as a proof that you are reality. Amen.
this is a video of the song "when god ran" with clips from passion of the christ.
which is also in relation to The Parable of the Lost Son
Luke 15:11-24
11"Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons.
12"The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
13"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.
14"After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.
15"So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.
16"He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!
18"I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
19"I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.'
20"So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[b]'
22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.
23"Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.
24"For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.
ive never watched the movie before so this video was a first. watching it caused me to have mixed emotions. im confused as to how i should react. remorseful, regret, anger, reciprocity. so what should i do? i really wanna do my best and accomplsih cg08 and help in pioneering CHS though ive never been someone who could take rejection easily. going up and talking about christ is hard enough, but having people ridicule it is worse. not that im blaming anyone, but rather, my inability or persuasion, maybe because im not exactly a super devoted believer, maybe its because im the only person from Y-hope in CH. when i start talking about other stuff such as breaking news, people seem so interested, but for the word of God, they seem to have no inquisity at all.ive seen and expierienced miracles and hence i know He exists, but being able to prove that this is true is a difficult task. i was told to start small so i started with people around, be it track and field or 4-7. i received really negative feedback and i dont really know how to cope with it. ah, im confused......
father, give me strength, use me to spread your word. from that video, i realised what you've gone through, i saw the extent of your pain graphically and words cannot describe how i felt. i know that im the only one now and that it is gonne be hard, but following your vision, im positive that CH will grow in faith. speak to me and instruct me on what to do, be the guiding light of the lost and let them expierience your grace, as a proof that you are reality. Amen.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Vids
Sum 41 - In Too Deep
Sum 41 - Pieces
this might be one of the songs i wanna learn on the piano (though i have completely no idea how to play it) , somebody teach me?
anw, today's central cg was fun (:
i miss you
Sum 41 - Pieces
this might be one of the songs i wanna learn on the piano (though i have completely no idea how to play it) , somebody teach me?
anw, today's central cg was fun (:
i miss you
Sunday, February 24, 2008
AMAZING!
had like a cereal frenzy with people from central d at ps.
im sure all of us are sick of it right now.. and i guess some of us are gonna get some serious weight issues if this continues every week after service.
hello love part 2 was great with some cool dance + love story and with some guy named qian jin who plays 4 totally different characters who describe the definition of love. i think service is extremely cool now and its super conducive to learn stuff, unlike back in 2006. i hope i'll continue to serve for a long long time, maybe forever (:
its fascinating to see how lives can be changed through His power, and i got a real good example today. i may not be perfect, but i can see the difference. ive made my choice and i dont see myself looking back, have you?
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