Premature.

i had my birthday celebration today though i know its like one week early. but i figured i wont enjoy if its next week (maybe not now too). so anyway i got kinda cool presents - $$$ hahaha, guess i can get my laptop soon (:

recently i dunno why i've been losing my cool so easily. i seldom get so irritated over these matters but these days, i always wanna just shout at the person who irritated me. im having too much frustrations and i guess i dunno where i can channel it to. i thought i could handle it at first, but the frustrations keep building up. i may hv celebrated my bdae today, i dont feel excited at all. there's not even a bit of anticipation. i was like thinking "so what? just another birthday" yes i know i've told others i cant wait.. truth is, i really dont have any mood for it, and its not just because of study pressure.. i dont even know what it is. im just...... feeling dead. Lord father, please lift this load off my shoulders, im feeling really tired, just let me feel alive and not dead. let me be who i wanna be and not force myself to fork out energy to be someone else im not. i wanna be me - joshua